Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Binary

"Dani accuses me of being very binary in my emotions and the way I handle things. It’s true. Even for something like partying, I normally don’t party, but when I do, I do it really hard. Full blown sex orgy tripping balls hard." -IsaChen

I laughed when I read this, because this is so me, and literally what I've been doing for the past year. All my life, I've been looking for a way to describe the lack of a gradual scale in the ways I do and see things. Rudy once said that my rating system consists of only A and F. Finally I came across the perfect description!

I am very extreme when it comes to what I care about. When I used to have exams, I either went no-play-no-rest-no-sleep hardcore mode, or I flipped just enough pages to get by. I either vacuum/scrub every corner and tidy up the entire house, or I continue living in a cave so messy as if just hit by a hurricane. I'm either excited to tell a person about my whole life, or I'm not interested in talking to them in the slightest. When I am asked to rate someone's attractiveness, I can only tell you if I would or would not bang that person. Tastiness of food: Would eat or nay. Fashion: Would wear or nay. All or nothing; go big or go home. No neutrals, no middle ground.

Come to think of it, most people I am close to are like this, which we accredit to the perfectionism in us. I have always known that it's unhealthy to me and causes me to be unproductive, but only until lately I managed to gather enough determination to work on it and start letting go, thanks to my increasing paranoia of death and realization that our precious days should not be wasted on obsessing over details that do not contribute to the bigger picture in life. 

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