Thursday, February 18, 2016

Curiosity kills the cat

Maybe I was over-analyzing things. Was I? 

Maybe Dom asked me to have lunch with him yesterday because he was sure he had to work overtime and had to cancel our usual Wednesday date night. Maybe he really was working overtime until 6:17PM, although he never stayed that late before. Maybe he didn't sound as cheerful and hyper as he normally is when he called at 6:20PM because he was exhausted from work. Maybe he was unusually quiet at first because I was unusually quiet. Maybe he stopped by the grocery store to buy my favorite snack on his way home and talked with me on the phone for 20 minutes not because guilt made him try to make it up to me subconsciously. Maybe it's just a coincidence that his wife also had to work till quite late yesterday. Maybe he texted me later than usual before sleep because he really was busy dealing with car insurance recently.

Or maybe not...? But how could I verify my inklings anyway? Plenty of time for him to remove any evidence since we don't see each other every day. Direct confrontation will only set off the alarm prematurely.

Suspicion is like a ghost program running in the background, secretly occupying your RAM and eating at you. I could only stop myself from overthinking when I realize myself doing so, but most of the time, my mind just wanders off and I wasn't even aware. Seriously, controlling your thoughts is easier said than done. Given the choice, I would always prefer to know the hard truth. At least it puts my inquisitive mind at peace once and for all.

Previously when I had speculations, I retaliated by having Dom's ranking of priority downgraded in my heart and secretly going out with new guys from Tinder. Then I would act subtly suspicious when I was with him to tick him off. That restored my balance, which Primary found hilarious. Perhaps I just hate to think that I am at a disadvantaged position, therefore surrounding myself with alternatives and showing that I was the one who cared less put me at ease.

Maybe I tend to overthink whenever I don't have a lot going on at work. Maybe I subconsciously seek dramas because stability with Dom bores me? Maybe uncertainties turn me on ha ha ha.

On a side note, when I was eating instant noodle for lunch today, Creepy Guy suddenly showed up and commented, "eating instant noodle?" in Mandarin. I was tempted to reply "yeah, Captain Obvious" but I doubted he could understand meme, so I just nodded, eyes stuck to my phone's screen. He walked off after microwaving his lunch, and I felt bad for him slightly.

Dom and I nicknamed him Creepy Guy because one time I was sexting Dom on my tablet during lunch break. Creepy Guy was already done with his lunch and leaving the table, when he walked past me he suddenly exclaimed in Mandarin, "oh you are Chinese?"

Me: "No I'm not."
Him: "But you're Asian?"
Me: "Obviously." (tried very hard not to roll my eyes)
Him: "Where are you from?"
Me: "Malaysia."
Him: "You're from Malaysia and you know Chinese? Wow!"
Me: "....... yeah."  (GOD. NO. Must I go through the same conversation for the 234588th time?)

I terminated eye contact abruptly to end the small talk and resumed texting Dom to discuss about what just happened. After I described Creepy Guy's appearance to Dom (half bald, sunken cheeks, skeletal thin, very fobby), Dom was convinced that Creepy Guy intentionally peeked at our conversation. I had no idea whether Creepy Guy only saw a bunch of Chinese characters in a smear or actually saw part of our very explicit conversation. Fortunately, Creepy Guy and I don't work in the same lab, but we work on the same floor. That day onward, I avoid bumping into him at all cost: I would take another route if I saw him at the far end of the hallway, and I would postpone my lunch break if I saw him at the lunch table. Still, sometimes I was already at the lunch table and he came, like today. A few times he tried to strike up a conversation, but I only gave extremely short responses while staring at my tablet/phone. I wonder if he is just trying to make a Mandarin-speaking friend. I feel rude, but what better way can I handle this? I fancy zero interaction with him.

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