Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Happy Valentine's

Not sure if you've noticed, my recent posts were rather outdated, i.e. they were published after sitting in my draft folder for 2 weeks or longer. Like this one. Valentine's Day was 3 weeks ago... I have gotten into this habit of allowing some "buffer period" before publishing a post so I could re-considerate how much to disclose, then reassess and rework every bit of it to perfection. Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I don't need to. Anyway...

Hubs and I are not... festive. We think that dates are arbitrary and don't really find birthdays and anniversaries celebratory. We'd do something (dine out/ movie/ clubbing/ shopping) if we remember to, and most importantly, have time to spare around those dates. Valentine's Day has never been a big deal for us. We never did anything special for Valentine's (unless buying the discounted white roses from Walgreens 4 years ago counted) and this year was no exception. Even though yesterday was our first Valentine's as a married couple.


Some time in the evening, Salmon struck up a conversation. 

"Hey. Happy Valentine's Day. Your husband doing anything special for you?"
"We never celebrate V Day. We're not festive lol"
"Not even with a good fucking?"
"We fucked yesterday. I haven't seen him today."
"Damn. Is it weird that I wanna talk dirty to you and fuck the shit out of you, but I refrain out of respect to your husband?"
"I wouldn't call this 'weird'. This is more like you're a misogynist for viewing me as his property."
"Hmm maybe. Are you not?"

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.

"I'm nobody's property."
"So would you come to Dallas and fuck me for a weekend if I paid for everything. I miss fucking your tight ass pussy. It felt so good"

Uh, excuse me. OF COURSE NOT. Me being nobody's property doesn't mean I'd just be paid to fly anywhere and fuck someone for a weekend. Sure I like him enough to want to have sex with him if he's nearby, but for me to want to travel for hours just to fuck one person when I could instead spend the weekend getting work done, being with Hubs, Dom and my cats... he doesn't have what it takes. Plus I'm not even that interested in visiting Dallas. Why would I want to subject myself to a trip that would likely make me feel like a hooker? Unless I need a getaway due to special circumstances, chances are, I'd never.

But I was curious to find out how serious he was about this.

"If I have the time."
"Mm... you should let me know. I miss what we had... even if it was short. I'll pay for your tickets."
"I hate travelling. Fly your ass here."
"Cold af. And I don't wanna run into your bf."
"Stay at a hotel. I'll come to you. You don't wanna run into my husband or bf?"
"Hmm... but I want to take you out. Both."
"Husband doesn't give a fuck."
"Bf does?"
"Yeah. Last time you mentioned visiting, he flipped."
"Fuck him."
"Where is this rage coming from lol"
"It's coming from me being alone on Valentine's... you know just as well as I do how much I fell for you during our short time together."


Hmm. Not sure if I do. Not the version I remembered anyway. 

We were both obsessed with each other right after we parted ways. It's naturally considering we were each other's first and only hook-up at the time... plus the whole "met someone new in a new city and had sex" halo to it. We were texting all night, he was already assuming that we'd spend the next few years together and briefly mentioned about dumping his girlfriend. He said he had written a song for me and want to play it for me in person. We were making plans to visit each other. I talked about how I didn't know what to do if I couldn't get my visa extended. He hinted about marrying him to get a green card and eventually a citizenship.

Then the admission decision came out: he was accepted into the program; I wasn't. He went drinking that night and texted me a lot of emo stuff. The next day he was hanging out with his girlfriend like nothing ever happened, except he was seen texting me and she flipped. But he didn't tell her that we fucked. Soon it was Valentine's Day. I was in Indiana for another recruitment weekend; he stopped texting me midday and took her out. The next day he told me about how he didn't think the relationship would last because she was very used to lavish lifestyle and their Valentine's dinner was $200+ but when he got high after the dinner he had fallen in love with her.

WTF? *insert snicker here*

"How do you think she'd react if I tell her we fucked?"
"Idk... Probably will go apeshit and I'll have to buy her gifts and sweet-mouth her until she forgives me. She really wants me."
"Let's find out shall we?"
"You must be joking."
"No I'm dead serious. Let's find out whether she wants you enough to see past that."
"Why would you do that?"
"Why not? I'm curious."
"What would you gain from it?"
"My curiosity will be satisfied?" 
"That would make you plain evil."
"Lol, how do you know I'm not?"

I didn't do it of course, I was only messing with him. We didn't text for many days. And then one night, I received a long text from him along the lines of "you are a leaf, freely flow with the water and you need another leaf to tangle with you and flow together but I am a salmon swimming upstream forever fighting fate."

I know I shouldn't be mean but..... *insert snort of laughter here*

We didn't keep in touch until he moved to Dallas and ended his relationship with that rich 19yo Shanghai chick. He sent me drunk texts several times claiming he was drinking at the bar we went before. He got himself another girlfriend but all he ever talked about was how she wasn't "the one". I told him to stop wasting her time. Eventually, he started fucking around and ended their relationship.

He talked about visiting once, and then it didn't happen. He sounded like he'd like to attend my wedding, then it didn't happen.

"I don't really want to see you like that... a bride to someone else. I wanted to love you."
"You could've."
"How?"

There's a way if there's a will? I became less and less keen in talking to him after my impression of him slowly got reduced to this... insecure, immature, indecisive, possessive fuckboy.



"Why didn't we do something for Valentine's? Do you want a Valentine's blowjob?" I asked Hubs.
"What happened to you? Who triggered you?" Hubs laughed.
"Idk? All those girls showing off flowers and gifts on social media? Then I felt like... maybe I should do something nice for you instead. Or do something together. But you weren't home."
"Aww..... you want all those basic romantic stuff? You didn't say."
"Not really. But Salmon did ask me whether you did something special for me today."
"Didn't Dom do something for you?"
"Duh! Did you forget that he has a demanding wife to attend to?"
"What did he do for her?"
"He took her to spa and dinner. He's taking me shopping tomorrow though."
"There, you'll be getting your Valentine's fix from your sugar daddy... solved."
"But you're my husband. I expect at least a... gesture."
"Um.... I can buy you McDonald's?"
"You better hurry before there's only 5 minutes left before Valentine's Day is over."
"Uh oh... too bad then."

I told Hubs about Salmon's offer to pay for a trip to Dallas.

"No. Don't go. It's a very bad idea."
"Of course I won't go, hello? Why would I subject myself to the risk of being stranded in an unfamiliar city? And the danger of being murdered there? I'm not desperate for his dick. Definitely not stupid either."
"Good. If he really wants to see you, tell him to come over."
"Already did."
"Is he going to?"
"Unlikely. We'll see."



I texted Salmon again before I went to sleep.

"Is this about getting you a closure?"
"Hmm idk... I was just horny and thinking of you."
"You didn't fall for me after all. I'm just a sex object."
"Lol well at least that's what I tell myself."
"That's what you made me feel too anyway."
"I'm sorry..."
"Huh? Nothing to apologize for."
"Idk... just feel weird being alone on Valentine's."
"Where are your fwbs?"
"Well the stripper chick came over and we fucked... but that's not what I meant by alone."
"Lol. Goodnight."
"Goodnight."



Oh, I forgot to mention. That song he claimed he'd written for me, till this day I haven't heard of it.

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