Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Power exchange

Dom took a day off work today to study for his upcoming exam. Yesterday, he asked if I'd like to meet him near his place today, have lunch, then head back to work. I told him I couldn't make it. He sounded a little disappointed. This morning, he asked me again whether I still couldn't make it.

In fact I could, but I didn't want to, because I've decided that it's not worth the trouble. It was 15°F, and it'd take me 30 minutes to get there by bus, and another 30 minutes to get back. Ubering would cut the time in half, but what for? I see him often anyway.

If I remember correctly, today is the first time I didn't comply. When we first started seeing each other, I didn't have a job, wasn't a graduate student yet, and Hubs wasn't in the country. For months, I had so much time to kill I was practically losing my sanity. Dom's workplace was an hour bus ride away from where I lived at the time. It started with this one time when he said he was coming down with a flu. I promptly decided to grab a DayQuil/NightQuil pack from Walgreens, then hopped onto a bus to go see him during his lunch break.

Of course I knew it was unnecessary, it wasn't like he was dying sick, and he could definitely get whatever drug he preferred by himself, maybe he even had some at home. But I'd got nothing to do, so I seized the opportunity to make an impression, in hope to captivate his heart.

After that one time, almost every week he'd ask me to meet him near his workplace for lunch. A trip like this took 3 hours plus in total. At first, he was reluctant that I had to go through all those hassles, but I told him it'd be a favor to let me do that considering how fucking free I was. Later, Hubs came back and I got a job, so this arrangement ended. But once in several weeks Dom'd still ask, and I had never said no, even though sometimes I didn't really feel like it.

Just like how I used to reply his texts almost instantly all the time and never failed to answer the phone whenever he called, it was a calculated move to make him accustomed to my availability to him. Giving him an illusion of power grants me actual power to play on his insecurities later, by being less accessible whenever I want him to put in extra effort in maintaining our relationship. It works, because he can't bear the thought of losing privileges and becoming a lesser priority.

Therefore this is why, contrary to popular belief, the Submissive is the one calling the shots in BDSM — it is up to the Sub how much control the Dom gets to have.

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