Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Knowledge is power

What happened after the last entry:
  • Friday: St Patrick's Day. I went out drinking with Hubs, Dom and 2 other friends.
  • Saturday: I went out drinking with the new guy. 
  • Sunday: I went for late brunch/early dinner with the new guy.
  • Monday: I went to his apartment, waited at the lobby, then we went to work together.

Key points of interactions with the new guy:
  • I disclosed that I live with a partner whom I've been in a relationship with for 6 years. He said he has nothing against being involved with someone who is in an open relationship. I didn't mention that I'm married.
  • We exchanged stories about our public sex experiences, and discussed in a suggestive way about a few places we both want to cross off our bucket lists in the future.
  • He sounded very demisexual- said he got rather turned off when girls who went out with him only wanted sex and didn't seem interested to bond or have meaningful conversations with him.
  • He also said he doesn't want to rush into things (i.e. getting physical) but would rather get to know each other more and develop a stronger crush first.

Doing this secretive thing put me in Dom's shoes and gave me a lot of new insights about Dom's need to hunt for new chicks (assuming he did/does) and why he felt/feels that he needs to hide it. It dawned on me that aside from the obvious reasons (polyamorous nature, boredom, thrill-seeking), these behaviors were attempts to feel in control, driven by insecurities that arise from the fear of getting too attached, too invested in someone. Sounds ironic, but having these insights alone already neutralizes most of the negative feelings I have from my distrust of Dom, to say the least. It's not that I didn't know he values our relationship a lot, but I suddenly come to notice many little things and realize how much I meant to him. Reassurance like this is a relief.

I no longer feel an urge to nail down this trophy fuck asap, and I'm not sure if it's a good thing.

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